


Jealousy, Trains, and Book Shelfs

by Kaz3313



Series: Ineffable Idiots [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-21 07:41:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21295925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaz3313/pseuds/Kaz3313
Summary: Everyone, except for Gabriel, is drunk. Conversations ensue
Relationships: Aziraphale/Beelzebub/Crowley/Gabriel (Good Omens)
Series: Ineffable Idiots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1529615
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20





	Jealousy, Trains, and Book Shelfs

**Author's Note:**

> Lil funny crack fic self indulgent thing. If you stop by to read hope you enjoy 😊

"M-my point is-" Crowley slurred sprawled out on the couch as if he was determined to take up the most room. Which, he guessed in his fogged up mind, he was going a rather good job of as he was the only one on the couch.

"All of you have some fantastic idea of drunkness yet the conversations are always the most nonsense? Also, something usually breaks," Gabriel stated his arms crossed as he glared at his three partners before him. Crowley had (obviously)taken the couch, Aziraphale a chair, and Beelzebub the table. It seemed to slightly irk Aziraphale but since neither his coco, which was far too cold to be proper coco, nor his wine had been knocked over he didn't voice his distaste for the Prince's habits.

"No- no nonsense. Crowley and I, we've had such wonderful chats," Azriaphale insisted, drumming his fingers on his lap.

"Well to you, your both drunk, but me? This is all pointless thinking," Gabriel leaned back on one of the book shelves. He did like a few things about them being drunk- One of which he got to lean on bookshelves. Aziraphale had always told him off for "risking the shelves to fall over" even when Gabriel reassured him that a little pressure couldn't hurt. 

"You've never had a pointed thought in your life," Crowley said, having not yet reached the conclusion that the opposite of pointless wasn't quite pointed.

"I think I had one just now," Gabriel hadn't any idea of what a "pointed thought" might be and he didn't care to find out. 

"I- I think hezz making a fair point," Beelzebub, who was quieter than usual, said. They weren't really focusing on the conversation at hand-having picked up only bits and pieces.

Previously they'd been enamored by the ceiling; finding their was little patterns etched in-almost like stars. It left them thinking that it was Crowley who made them but they wondered why he wouldn't have mentioned it before. Their mind drifted around before settling that Aziraphale had got them custom made when he first had this place erected. It was an odd feeling- as the thought of looking up to see stars and how they were an obvious reminder of Crowley- that settled in their chest. If they dare say it could be considered jealousy (and at this point in time they dared to think and thinking was a silent sort of speaking). Jealousy that those two had 6000 years to yearn, pine, and grow. To see each other since the beginning and so easily fall into relying on each other. The feeling was like a hivemind, all consuming and it's only goal was to unite all thoughts into one cynical viewpoint.

Then sadness dawned on them; they couldn't even begin to compare. They were like a brick being put in a wood house. The brick was obviously much better but the wood house didn't need anything more than wood. It was sturdy and healthy and quite honestly the brick looked hideous smooshed in between planks. 

"Ha! I'm clearly the superior one, even Beelze agrees!" Gabriel shouted triumphantly and Beelzebub gave a little grin, reminding themselves that at least they weren't the only brick. 

"I-I don't think that's... oh never mind, Crowley you were saying?" Aziraphale shook his head clear (though not clear enough as alcohol had remained settled over, heavy and fog like) and turned to Crowley.

"I was saying? Ehh, I dunno- lost my train of thought. Wooshed right off the rails, into a town. 'Oh no' cries somebody but they don't cry for long," Crowley replied. 

"Why iz that?" Beelzebub thought it best not to think about bricks or wood or stars anything of that nature anymore- this town seemed more appealing.

Crowley paused, mulling over the different possibilities in his mind. He took so long to answer Gabriel thought he'd just forgotten too. Not that he was disappointed- This train business wasn't even mildly interesting. He wasn't on the edge of his seat (he wasn't even sitting) or anything. Not in the slightest worried about this unfortunate town.

"Well the train was full of gold, now everybody's having a party," Crowley answered.

"Thank God," Gabriel let out a soft whisper; not that he was concerned for random unconsiquecetial human lives. It was just many deaths would result in a lot of work up in Heaven (and Hell, depending on the people). 

"Party? Is there a feast?" Aziraphale asked thinking about sobering up soon and getting a little snack. Perhaps a biscuit or two.

"Not much of a feazzt if all they have to eat iz gold,"

"They have food they can buy with the gold," Aziraphale argued.

"Everyone got the gold, inflation goes up. The gold would be next to worthlez. The town's economy crashed and people are dying, starving on piles of gold," Beelzebub concluded and Gabriel made a sad sound that was meant to be quiet but everyone heard him (but for dignity's sake ignored it).

"Well if they are smart they'll have one guy, or gal, take some gold to another town and buy a bunch of their food. Then they'd travel back, share the food, save some, and then when they were running low send a different person out there. Nobody knows that this town is filthy rich and they don't tell anyone so for generations they can just be comfortably living,"

"Humanzz are inherently greedy; one will take all the money and then the town will go back to being poor as dirt," Beelzebub argued further.

"Humans are unpredictable. Some greedy, some not. More likely if one ran off with the money a group would go after them," Aziraphale countered. 

"There would be lotzz of fighting- lotzz of weapons. Someone would notice and find all the gold. Then we're back to inflation," Beelzebub countered his counter. 

" Not necessarily- humans are good at being clever. They could hide it, maybe even do a cover up on it," Crowley said. 

"What happened to the conductor?" Gabriel asked, he leaned more on the bookshelf lost in the conversation at hand. 

"The what?" 

"The man driving the train?"

"Crashing a train, he might've died," Aziraphale responded when Crowley let out a sequence of "erm, eh, nNnn" and nothing else.

"But if he didn't? He's a factor we didn't consider and wouldn't he be the owner of all that gold?" Gabriel pointed out. 

Aziraphale was left dumbfounded, which meant he had to sober up soon- it was never good when Gabriel was making the most intelligent comments in the room. 

"I- I don't know. I don't think these people even exist," Aziraphale said then looked at Gabriel again, noticing he was pressing himself against a bookshelf "And your going to break my shelf- stop,". 

Gabriel huffed and leaned more, shifting his entire body weight on the wood. Which would've been fine, if it wasn't a few hundred years old. It gave away in a flash and an avalanche of books fell upon him.

"Oh, wow," Crowley said looking at the mess "To be fair he told you to stop,".

Gabriel let out a huff- them all being drunk meant they were going to watch him wiggle out and then have to miracle a few things clean and they weren't even going to help. 

He hated these drunken nights.


End file.
